What year is the gay ear

David Babby explores the mystical and idiosyncratic world of piercing etiquette. On a particularly grey, drizzly Saturday morning my friend set off to get her ear pierced. The decision had been made the night before amidst several other similarly serious lifestyle alterations.

The money had been counted out. Support had been garnered. After much intense discussion, the prettier nostril was identified and noted. I was a bit late and arrived just as my friend was being lead in to a back room. The woman in charge of her had a good few piercings, which was reassuring, and there was a crumpled bag of Meanies in the bin which showed that this was a fun place to work.

There is no gay nostril. If you are gay, your whole nose is gay. Having one side of your nose pierced does not mean a lesbian is suddenly going to mow you down in the street. I can understand that cool piercing lady could be a bit fed up with coarse lad-types asking which ear or eyebrow is the gay one with the express intention of saving their hard man reputation.

But what if my friend had wanted a piercing specifically to get mowed down by lesbians? To deny the link between piercings and sexuality is silly and unconvincing. John is alternative but nobody knows. Mary likes women and wants to shout it from the rooftops — maybe she wants to get the gay side pierced.

My friend, for aesthetic reasons, got her left nostril pierced. This, in Ireland at least, is the straight side. As far as I know, it applies to all facial piercings: ears, eyebrows, sides of the lip. Perhaps if anyone is looking at the piercings below your chin, it is safe to say they have already successfully ascertained your sexuality.

Everybody knows the left-side rule. I can remember a boy at school who got his right eyebrow pierced and everyone called him Pepes — the name of the gay bar in Derry at the time — until he took it out. Only the other week a male friend what year is the gay ear moaning about the sheep-like bubble-gum gay decorum of his boyfriend, the crowning offence being that his right ear was pierced.

I went to two other piercing places in the city centre and asked three questions: how much is it to get a simple ear piercing, which side is the gay side, and if people asked that question often.

Right and Wrong

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