Why are all guys that i like gay

E very month, nearly 11 million gay men around the world go on the Grindr app to look for sex with other men. Once there, they can scroll through an endless stream of guys, from handsome to homely, bear to twink. Yet when it comes to choosing positions for sex — a crucial criterion for most gay men — the possibilities have long been simply top and bottom.

The only other choice available toggles between those roles: verse for versatile. Last month, however, that finally changed. In mid-May, Grindr added a position called side, a designation that upends the binary that has historically dominated gay male culture.

Sides are men who find fulfillment in every kind of sexual act except anal penetration. The term side was coined in by the sex therapist and author Dr Joe Kort, but only in the last year has it gained glimmers of acknowledgment in the wider gay world. Eighteen months ago, Dr Kort made a private Facebook group page called Side Guys to give the men a forum for acceptance and, perhaps, to start a movement.

Things began slowly for the group, with members first joining by the tens, and then by the hundreds. In the last eight months, however, membership has doubled to reach 5, Posts by sides young and old come from around the world. Kort said most of the men had found their way to the group via the TikTok videos he has created to spread the word.

Other men have been fashioning their own informational videos on TikTok, including the model Barrett Pall, who has 1.

User LawannaFlier

At the same time, the LA-based gay comedian Michael Henry has created a hilarious, but sympathetic, mock-tutorial on sides that has earned more thanYouTube views in the last few weeks, making it one of his most viewed clips. Shaking hands? Henry said he was inspired to create the piece after hearing some younger men use the term in gay bars in the last year.

But it made plenty of sense to people like Kort. Are you a virgin? Why am I ashamed of this? To ease that feeling in himself and others, he began to talk about it in retreats and in presentations he hosted. Inhe wrote a piece about it for the Huffington Post, which introduced the word to the broader culture.

Soon it was picked up by Urban Dictionary. Some people even see the side role as an expression of internalized homophobia. Kort sees the opposite. He believes that defining penetration as the sole standard for sex is a heteronormative construct that gay people have the opportunity to challenge.

He sees a side approach as useful for straight people as well, including women who find penetrative sex painful or who prefer oral techniques. The approach can also reintroduce sex to gay and straight men who have erectile issues, because side techniques can make orgasm easier to achieve for some.

Kort, like many sides, believes that lots of men with similar interests are still in the closet about it. Three-quarters of those men said they preferred kissing, oral and non-penetrative acts. Only when it came to romantic relationships did their interests — or lack thereof — become a deal-breaker.

Talking to the Side Guys, and reading their posts, makes clear that they all have different stories and different preferences. But they bond over two things. The introduction of the term on Grindr represents a meaningful step ahead because it cuts right to the sex act.